Mirror

She asked me where I'd be and what I'd be doing right now had we not met.

Good question.

My guess would be having fallen for another woman and chasing her in vain. Things would probably come to a grinding halt a few months later after I realize that she's not interested in me, or something to that nature.

In other words, I'd be my pathetic self again. Healed, but still pathetic.

I don't know. With her, I feel much better. I feel...enhanced. I feel like stepping up my game for her. Improving myself as an individual, as a man, just for her. Learning to believe in myself, to walk with that self-assurance, to stop scraping and groveling and just be myself. Should things between us crash and burn, I would still come out a better man than before. (Then again, shouldn't our philosophy in life be as such? To emerge from every experience and endeavor a more complete individual...)

I learn a lot. She's like this mirror with which I can see some shit stains on my back. Like lately, I'm reassessing the way I handle things, like when I'm hurt. I usually shun those which reminds me of the past. Which shouldn't be. I'm missing out on life that way. I'm depriving myself.

She's got nothing to worry about if we hadn't met. She'd probably still be the same. And there are tons of guys after her. She's got it all made. She has little to gain from this relationship, while I have much to gain. And she brings out the best in me.

...I really must thank her. My God. Ngayon ko lang napansin. Shit...