Thistle

Fuck you and the horse you rode in on. You've got a lot of gall accusing me of selfishness. When I look back at shit like this, I wonder why the fuck I held on to you.

One does not give and expect something in return. But when I give and give and give for three fucking years, I think I would be excused when somewhere along the road, I start to wonder what I'm getting in return. A relationship should be a two-way street, after all. It's give-and-take. It's an embarrassingly elementary concept that you have failed to grasp. Who the fuck would say outright that she can't compromise? Even professinal relationships have that, how much more a romantic one?

For about a third of our relationship, I didn't really feel emotionally fed anymore. Still, I gave more and more of myself and my resources. When I brought it up, you just waved my concerns away with some horseshit I don't even remember because my brain couldn't process the sheer surrealism of your logic. You insisted that the way I wanted to be loved wasn't socially acceptable (seriously, you think holding hands and shit is PDA) - either that, or you "just didn't do it". Yeah, that was it, wasn't it, you selfish bitch? You wanted to be loved, while conveniently excusing yourself from fulfilling your end of the bargain because of some made-up shit like it's PDA or some other shit.

And whenever I want you to change something about your fucked up behavior, you loudly bray, "THIS IS THE WAY I AM," and then threaten to break up with me if I had any problems with it. ARE YOU INSANE, BITCH? Goddamn, I didn't know that the answer to liberty would be to take you up on your offer and end our shit relationship. Well, I eventually did. Ahahahahaha. Bitch. And when I finally did break up with you, you came crawling back to me, bawling like a baby, begging to be taken back and for another chance. NOPE, SORRY, THIS IS JUST THE WAY I AM!

I'm still so fucking pissed when I think about how much of a retard I've been. How the fuck could I have loved you? I gave you everything, and it still wasn't enough. You still demanded more and more and deemed me having fallen short of your staggeringly high expectations. You expected a castrated saint. WELL, TOO BAD YOU SETTLED FOR A MAN. Now, I release you. Be free and find that castrated saint you were destined for. Or spinsterhood, whatever.

You calling me selfish is one thing I'll never forget. Those few weeks of your incessant bitching at me. You went on and on about how masturbation was bad. And making out was bad. Then that guilt-trip that made me out to be a fiend who made his cute, loving girlfriend his sex-slave. And when I finally decided to stop jacking off (lol yeah right), you get all bitchy at me because it was my dad's words, not yours, that got through to me. Your fucking ego is so huge that you spazz out every single time I take someone else's advice, and not yours. As far as you're concerned, this was the greatest thing that happened to me: you, the wise sage, educating the carnal savage that is me about "living right". That's your contribution to US? Your shit advice? Your attempts to emasculate me and turn me into a neutered housecat? YOU CAN TAKE YOUR CONTRIBUTION AND SHOVE IT UP YOUR PINHOLE OF A CUNT.

While my memory may not be stellar, I have a few things that stuck on my mind. So let's try to do a tally here, shall we?

Me:

1. I was your fucking driver. Which means gas and parking money.
2. I paid for almost all of your food. Fine dining, frozen yogurt, fast food, movie popcorn, some other shit junk food that you stuff your gullet with...
3. I paid for most of our movie tickets.
4. I gave you nice, expensive gifts that you just said weren't your 'type', like the silver Michelli's bracelet and the Cross pen.
5. I wrote you shitloads of heartfelt letters that elicited nary a response.
6. I was prepared to fight with my own father to keep you.
7. I turned my back on my faith and my family for you.
8. I had to listen to your shit problems. Remember that time when you were hyperventilating over the grade that you got on your thesis? When I went to smoke cigars with my best friend instead of rushing to pander to your "needs", you got bitch. But when I came over to comfort you and shit, and when the time came to file a complaint about your grade, you just shit-canned everything and decided to write it off. What the actual fuck is wrong with you?
9. I had to endure your bullshit about my temper and other behavioral shortcomings, including my driving. HERE'S AN IDEA: WHY DON'T I DRIVE AND YOU WALK? YOU'RE IN MY CAR, SO SHUT YOUR WHORE MOUTH AND LET ME DRIVE MY WAY. FUCKING FUCK YOU ACT LIKE YOU'RE SO GOOD AT DRIVING MOTHERFUCK.
10. You wouldn't stop bitching at me about my Scotland trip. I was already there, and you were still bickering with me on email about how you're earning more but willing to sacrifice "for our future". BITCH, IT'S MY MONEY, IT'S MY LIFE. WHO THE FUCK ARE YOU TO CONTROL THESE THINGS? FUCK YOU MOTHERUFCKING PIECE OF SHIT CUNT GODDAMN I HATE YOU SO FUCKING MUCH GO CHOKE ON A BOWL OF BABY DICKS FUCKING FUCK
11. I had to take your shit about how I'm so quiet. Yeah, you're the master storyteller already, okay? DOES IT BOTHER YOU THAT I'M A QUIET GUY AT TIMES? SHUT UP.
12. I gave you my affections and you disregarded them. You treated me like a leper, only touching me after much cajoling and pleading and begging and threats. Loving you is like loving a block of ice. You are allergic to physical affection. You're a thistle. Your attitude and your personality drives people away.
13. I visited your school just to see you, for a whole year.
14. Your goddamned fucking homeworks. I don't even know how many papers you asked me to do I lost track goddamn.
15. Your goddamned fucking thesis.
1. I came over after work for God knows how many days just to write that shit thesis of yours.
2. I drove you all over town for how many fucking days to meet with specialists and manufacturers.
3. Mind you, this was all time I could have spent with my family or reading; money I could have spent on cigarettes, whiskey, and books; energy I could have spent making out with you.
4. I really wouldn't have minded helping you out IF YOU JUST SHOWED SOME GODDAMN APPRECIATION BUT YOU DIDN'T YOU JUST ASKED AND ASKED AND THEN THREW A DRAMA SEIZURE ON THE MOMENT I GOT ANNOYED OR TIRED. 
16. That fucking Subic trip. Goddamn. Takes 5 years off of my life every time I think about it.
1. I picked you up at 5 in the goddamn morning, and you just bitched at my driving.
2. I bought us breakfast.
3. I drove all the way to Subic, with no sleep.
4. I bought our beverages.
5. I paid for our lunch.
6. I paid for our entrance.
7. I said nothing when you and your friend drank the energy drink that I needed to drive us back to Manila, and both of you complained that it did nothing. THAT'S BECAUSE YOU WEREN'T AS EXHAUSTED AS I WAS.
8. I drove us back to Manila despite having no sleep.
9. I offered you that undeserved apology for driving like a man instead of driving like a little bitch, and you just spit on it. Yeah, fuck you too.
10. I bought our dinner, and you just bitched about how you hated the side dishes.
11. Despite being exhausted and sunburnt, I drove you back home, and all you had to offer me was a half-hearted thank-you and a noncommittal hug.

You:

1. Made out with me begrudgingly.
2. Blew me. Begrudgingly too, of course. And you always bitched about the taste and demanded that I wrap it up first. BITCH GET THE FUCK ON YOUR KNEES AND OPEN UP BEFORE I RAPE YOUR FACE. STOP PRETENDING TO ACT LIKE A FUCKING NUN. ACTUAL NUNS AREN'T AS PRUDISH AS YOU.
3. You put up with my behavior. Admittedly, I was an immature cunt at times, but normally, you were just forcing me to become and think like you, which isn't a good thing at all by any measure.
4. Related to #3, you gave me second chances. And at this point, I'm not even sure if this item is sarcastic or not. There were times when you were this close to ending things, and I probably would be in worse shape if things ended on your terms, as opposed to me being in control during the breakup (despite you being the prime instigator). So fuck you for throwing threats of breakup around. I guess I got the last laugh here. Didn't think I'd actually accept your 'proposal', did you?
5. You commuted to my house at times. Of course, I drove you home afterwards.
6. You made me personalized gifts for my birthday and our anniversaries. Those were actually pretty good.
7. You gave me shit gifts on rare occasions on our first year together. After that, you didn't give me jack shit.

So there you go. Fuck you, bitch. You have the gall to say that I'm making you suffer by making you blow me. You frigid bitch. Your smelly cunt's so tight that even my finger was too much for it. For all those things I've done for you, all I asked for in return was a little action, some affection, and loving words, and you couldn't even do it right. You refused to made an effort to step up. Your blowjobs lacked enthusiasm and had teeth. Your handjobs were terrible. I had to help out because your flabby, skinny arm kept tiring out. You were actually the one who started it all, and you actually guilt-tripped me. Sorry, who's making who suffer here? You forget that I have done so much more for you.

Emotional and physical affection. A hug, a kiss... a blow every now and then (or on command, if it could be helped), some making out, less inhibitions... more appreciation for me... I don't think I was asking for too much. Yet you acted like it was. It was as if I demanded the flaming head of your grandmother on a pike. So fuck you. What I asked for was perfectly reasonable and you couldn't see that.

You had the nerve to throw a bitchfit when I blocked your sorry ass on Facebook, which by the way, was where you broke up with me. I SAY, FUCK YOU. JUSTICE HAS BEEN SERVED. EVEN WHEN PARTING, YOU HAVE THE BALLS TO GIVE ME SOME "FINAL LESSONS ON EMPATHY"? YOU SAY THAT I LACK EMPATHY? I'VE GOT YOUR EMPATHY RIGHT HERE, FUCKER.

Also, I hate your parents. Your dad's a selfish hypocritical piece of shit who's obsessed with working out. He's a child trapped in an aging man's body who won't spare two seconds to cater to his family's needs. He's not a father, he's not a family man. He's not even a man. He's a manchild. A real man will drop everything to spend time with his family. He makes damn sure that his kids are not only well provided for, but also well nurtured. He fulfills his obligations as a provider, and nothing more. There was no 'fatherhood' to speak of. Your mother is a country bumpkin who is obsessed with money. She has the values of a jackal, the looks of a hyena, and the cunt of a whale. She wouldn't shut the fuck up about how I'm a "poor boy". (Yeah right we can have the lot of you evicted and turn your shit lot into a parking lot or some shit. Your bitch sister is a dyke who will die alone. She's a hippo who needs to bitch to live. Your eldest sister and brother are the only ones I actually like.

Rot in your hovel and your rut. Or better yet, fuck off to a nunnery. I'm going to find someone who values me for me. Someone who knows my true worth. Someone who doesn't try to change me. Someone who accepts me. Someone who is generous with words and touch. Someone who's sweeter. Someone who loves my family and my best friend. Someone who won't give me shit. Someone who'll show me more affection than she does her fucking cat.

You should find a puppy. Or a gimp. You don't need a real man. You need someone who will cater to your whims, and nothing more. I still have so much things to say, so much anger to release. So let me just end with MOTHERFUCKER I HOPE YOU DIE.