Lost

12/28/12 3:17 AM This is a secret that I'll take to my grave. Not even my closest friends know. I miss you so much. You are constantly in my thoughts. I think about the times we had, both good and bad. I think about the feel of your skin, the smell of your hair, the thrilling sensation of your lips…

I've run out of clever words. I'm empty. I'm tired of running from our memories, the times that we've shared. These three years have really worn me out, but all this time has only served to anchor you deep in my spirit. 

It would be foolishness to wish you back, but the foolish part of me does want you back. You're no good for me, but I still love you. You may hope to salvage this relationship, but I know that there is no way for us to ever be friends. We can never see each other again. I cannot allow my heart to drown in the pain that it's already wallowing in as I speak. 

I've turned towards all kinds of things to numb the pain that your memory inflicts on me. Alcohol, drugs, and porn have been effective, but only for the night. When the sun greets my weary eyes, I know that it's another day filled with struggle against the thought of you. 

I don't know where else to turn. I don't know what else to do to free myself from this accursed pain. You are a cancer in me. Everyone I know is leaving me behind in my corner of darkness. Nobody can save me from this prison of agony in which you've condemned me. I'm lost, having woken up once again in the eternal desert of my desolation. I'm losing to the darkness. The demons in me are taking over.